Depending on The Name of Jesus for all of your needs.

I woke Friday morning to the patter of the rain. I could hear it pound on the sidewalk. Rain is cleansing and makes everything new. The flowers, grass and tree's were getting a healthy drink.The bedroom window was open and I could smell the fresh,crisp,clean air on this June morning. The air in the bedroom was chilled and cool. I was toasty warm under my comforter. Suddenly I felt anxious and quickly turned my thoughts on high. I wanted to hide under the covers but that would avail little. I began to repeat scriptureover and over. I calm down. I take a deep breath. I slammed the door in the Devils face. I have nothing to fear but fear itself. The feeling in the gut of doom is all to familiar. I deplore it. It makes me feel close to sick. There have been days I felt frozen but for the Grace of God he overcame for me. He knows how it feels. I know this to shall pass,it is a feeling. I say,'OK it is there but fear has no power over me. I know who I am. I belong to Christ, I am a Child of God. He has never left me, he will never forsake me. He is a friend to me much more then I could ever be to hm and he loves me all the same, unconditionally. He is God on the throne. The King of Kings. The Savior who came to save the World. He is the God of many chances.

'Little Fellow' starts in at 6 A.M. today. He sings for a bit and then off he goes. I smile. Praise God. By now I am feeling better. Who knows me better then I do, but the Father. While 'little fellow' was chirping away I was reminded of when God sent him my way In June of 2009. It is as though he is saying 'Hello, are you Trusting God today?'. He has been at the window no matter rain or shine, snow or sleet, winds, or thunderstorms for 12 months now. God is truly marvelous and creative. He has a sense of humor and he knows how to reach his Children.This may sound like an utterly huge fairy tale but I promise you this is truth. It all started in June of 2009.

So this Beautiful day in June 2009 I was writing a hub. My situation had changed allot over the months. My husband was working out of town. I loved it. I had a great deal of peace in the freedom of his absence..His drinking had escalated and I needed this time to sort myself out. I needed to have a serious break from him and from the perils and tribulations that go along with the illness. This was a gift for me to hear and grow in understanding with Christ. I had more peace then I had in the past year, in the few months. He came home on weekends. The drinking was unpredictable, and it weighed on me. The illness plows in like a tornado and wants to wipe out what is on the path. David was making very good money yet there never seemed to be any. I guess drinking costs allot. Now the bills were barely getting paid. I was styling hair and although it was good money it was not close to the income I had seen from my career. I prayed, wrote, talked to God, studied the word, went to Church. I heard from God all the time. His grace sustained me. Sometimes he would speak to me in scriptures other times He would send me a sign of his sorts. I Trusted and God provided.

I knew in m heart that something was going to upset the apple cart. I prayed David would get sober and stay sober.He loved the Lord and prayed but couldn't put down the drink. He was trying to fool allot of people but was only fooling himself. People see lifestyle change at work or pesonality change. I started crying. Fear edged into me. I was overwhelmed with the awful gut feeling again, I had it. I was sick of the attacks. I got angry. I knew the feeling would pass eventually. I had the tools to stand and fight but I was tired of the fight. Some would say this is an anxiety attack. I could agree, but whatever I deplore it. It is not from God. In tears I talked to God about this feeling and reminded him of his Word. Jesus Christ heals.

Pain can be the force that increases our Faith. I stared out of the window. I was frozen. What was this all about? In my tears and pain all the sudden I felt peace. I felt a relief. I felt a calm. I did not have to go rebuke the devil. I hear God say to me, 'When are you going to trust me my child'? I thought I did trust God but not for my ALL. Suddenly I knew that depending on Davids paycheck or on clientele calling for appointments or praying the electric company would work with me I was trying to control the events. I was depending on those 'people, places or things' rather then depending on God for the paycheck or to send the clientele or to cover the electric bill. I was depending on them, so I would be covered. No, no if I depend on God he will get me the money he knows my needs. David may not have a job. Then what? He may have other plans and he might be moving me from Hair into something new and different. Times change he may need me somewhere else. It is like the awakening sank deep inside of me. GOD FIRST, TRUST GOD. In 'His' love and tender mercy he showed me. He wants me to trust in HIM not Davids check, not what I think needs to be. He knows the big picture.

I knew without a doubt God was the pay check. He supplied. People, places and things change. I knew that I knew I had no fears, because He had them for me. You see he is ALL or nothing. The fear left me, it was lifted from me. It rarely came back. I was new. There were times it tried to creep in but I was free. No sooner would it try to creep in, it was gone. The feeling in my gut tearing at me was gone.

Well, I was so grateful for this revelation I asked God if he could please help me out more here. He has humor because I must have sounded like the kids of Israel. They got manna every morning from heaven, it RAINED manna every day and they asked what will we eat tomorrow? I asked Jesus to send me a sign, if this was a healing. I felt like I was a free bird or something. I had peace like a river. I was so grateful. I was ecstatic. I had years of these attacks and I was a believer. Well God is so amazing. I heard a bird. I think he was little because looking out the window there were little birds. Well, this bird was loud and stood out from the others. His chirp, chirp clearly got my attention. It was like he was saying, 'You are trusting God Today, right'? God s so cool. He saw my glee and I asked. 'if this is from you could I hear hear again'. SO again the same chirp from the bird. Again, his chirp was obvious and stood out from the rest. I knew without a doubt God answered me and sent a sign, to cosign my unbelief . I am so silly. Christ loves his kids so much he sends surprises all the time. He likes to tickle us with goodies. I think his kids must humor him much of the time. I believe I do, and not on purpose. He understands, he loves me unconditionally as he does ALL his Children. No one knows me better, not even I.

Well over next couple of fmonths I felt like a new spirit. God did not change I did. He moved on my heart and I trusted in HIM. I belive today he was preparing me. He is the potter. I am the clay. He knows the BIG picture. I do not. I was more alert, calmer and happier. I had a joy because I trusted GOD for everything. God is merciful. It cost nothing but a pinch of faith. I think many believers trust much of the time and don't have to deal with with much fear. They trust. Like playing the piano in practicing, one gets better at it Trusting God gets better and easier. Because of God I was set free. No matter what came down to me I was OK. I was grateful.

I heard' Little Fellow' most days unless I was not 'around' but at 6 AM he made himself heard. He is a reminder for me to TRUST God, not man for my needs.God is the bread of Life. He works through man, we are his vessels but he is on the Throne. He is the Creator. He speaks and works through others but he is in the scenes working it all out. I do not have to be. He has the outcome in his hands.

David was fired in August 09. Drinking lost him his job. But for the grace of God fear was gone from me and I knew because of Gods grace and mercy he lifted my 'ilness' of anxiety. I felt free. He protected me when David did drink. David tried not to drink but to no avail. He drank allot more then I thought I knew. It was not an easy journey but I remained grateful in my Faith. Glory to God. He is Love and Mercy. He Heals the sick. He wants no one to perish.

In December 09 David got a DUI. David had checked into the Salvation Army Treatment center. He had an option to stay for another three months and was accepted. The judge was impressed with Salvation Army and he told David to return for sentancing in July after he completed the full six month program. A court date was set for July. David went along fine and at month five drank again. He was on a pass and he drank and got caught. There is no mercy in track two none,he was kicked out. They informed his probation officer and the Courts. David appears in court in July. The courts vacated his probation. In other words he does not have probation any longer. The jail time could be a year. I went from no husband here to a dispared, sad, frightened husband here 24/7. My life toppled upside down again. You can make plans but there are no guarentees. I do not know the future only God knows.

The illness is a tornado. I felt I was slapped in the face when David came in the door and told me he was kicked out of Salvation Army. I was hurt, furious, sad, disappointed, despaired. Fear crept in. I struggle on many days with it since June 1, 2010. Little Fellow continuesto come by each day. I smile. I think I am trusting, but if I am honest with myself I am not beiliveing God knows what is best. I have already been delievered from fear. I am going to take my freedom back. The devil is doomed to hell. I am a Child of God, as is David. We have our names in the Lambs Book of Life.

I thank God for his love, mercy and grace. So many awesome writers have touched my heart with love, I know they were sent and healing is taking place. Many will never know how their words have touched my heart. I am grateful to God for all he has led to hub pages. You are Gods handiwork.

Today I decided I am climbing back on the rock. I have had it again.I am a work in progress. No matter what you face today. Stay in faith. Keep trusting in God. Anyone reading this remember Gods timing is different then ours. Christ knows what he does. If one need a reminder and you do not have a 'ittle fellow ' I will lend you mine. God does understand your fears, your finances, your secrets, your heart. Your dreams and your aspirations. He knows the pain. He suffered and walked in much pain. He hung on the cross like a piece of beat up meat. He could not be recognized,he was so brutalized. He took it for us. We are all sinners we all fall short of the Glory of God.

In these most difficult times be encouraged, there is freedom in sharing . I am a child of God I need not be ashamed for being human or having a husband with an illness. I blow it .GOD does not. He helps us get up. His hand reaches for ours. DO not go it alone. It opens the door for anxiety or fear. God is a mountain mover. He may send a 'little fellow' he has an amazing delivery system.Trust God he controls the tides and calms the storms. He created the birds of the air and he says. How much more do I love you them the birds of the air?. Be of Good Cheer. Children of God we have eternal life in Paradise awaiting us. Alleluia. Glory to God.

Thank you for coming over to read my story.David and I would be honored if you prayed for us. Thank You. Below is an awesome song by Elvis Presley. You will be Blessed. Take five, breathe deep, close your eyes. put your feet up and know God loves you. You can TRUST in 'Him'

In Christ, Skye

 © Copyright Skye Tudae