Depending on Jesus each day for all of your needs and supplication.

I woke Friday morning to the patter of the rain. I could hear it pound on the sidewalk. Rain is cleansing and makes everything new. The flowers, grass and tree's were getting a healthy drink. The bedroom window was open and I could smell the fresh, crisp and clean air on this June morning. The air in the bedroom was chilled and cool. I was toasty warm under my comforter. Suddenly I felt anxious and quickly turned my thoughts on high. I wanted to hide under the covers but that would avail little. I begin to repeat scripture over and over. I calm down. I take a deep breath. I slammed the door in the Devils face. I have nothing to fear but fear itself. The feeling in the gut of doom is all to familiar. I deplore it. It makes me feel close to sick. There have been days I felt frozen but for the Grace of God he overcame for me. He knows how it feels. I know this to shall pass, it is a feeling. Fear has no power over me. I know who I am. I belong to Christ and I am a Child of Almighty God. He has never left me, He will never forsake me and God is no respecter of people. He is a friend to me much more then I could ever be to Him and He loves me all the same, unconditionally. He is God on the throne. The King of Kings. The Savior who came to save the World. He is the God of many chances.

The little bird starts in with singing at 6 A.M. today. He sings for a bit and then off he goes. I smile. Praise God. By now I am feeling better. Who knows me better then I do, but the Father. While the little fellow was chirping away I was reminded of when God sent him my way In June of 2009. It is as though he is saying 'Hello, are you Trusting God today?' He has been at the window no matter rain or shine, snow or sleet, winds, or thunderstorms for 12 months now. God is truly marvelous and creative. He has a sense of humor and he knows how to reach His children.

On this Beautiful day in June 2009 I was writing a hub. My situation had changed allot over the months. My husband was working out of town. I loved it. I had a great deal of peace in the freedom of his absence. His drinking had escalated and I needed this time to sort myself out. I needed to have a serious break from him and from the perils and tribulations that go along with the illness. This was a gift for me to hear and grow in understanding with Christ. I had more peace then I had in the past year, in the few months. He came home on weekends. The drinking was unpredictable, and it weighed on me. The illness plows in like a tornado and wants to wipe out what is on the path. David was making very good money yet there never seemed to be any. I guess drinking costs allot. Now the bills were barely getting paid. I was styling hair and although it was good money it was not close to the income I had seen from my career. I prayed, wrote, talked to God, studied the word, went to Church. I heard from God all the time. His grace sustained me. Sometimes He would speak to me in scriptures other times He would send me a sign of His sorts. I Trusted and God provided.

I knew in m heart that something was going to upset the apple cart. I prayed David would get sober and stay sober. He loved the Lord and prayed but couldn't put down the drink. He was trying to fool allot of people but was only fooling himself. People see lifestyle change at work or a personality change. I started crying. Fear edged into me. I was overwhelmed with the awful gut feeling again, I was sick of the attacks. I got angry. I knew the feeling would pass eventually. I had the tools to stand and fight but I was tired of the fight. Some would say this is an anxiety attack. I could agree, but whatever I deplore it. It is not from God. In tears I talked to God about this feeling and reminded Him of his Word. Jesus Christ heals.

Pain can be the force that increases our Faith. I stared out of the window. I was frozen. What was this all about? In my tears and pain all the sudden I felt peace. I felt a relief. I felt a calm. I did not have to go rebuke the devil. I hear God say to me, 'When are you going to trust me my child'? I thought I did trust God but not for my ALL. Suddenly I knew that depending on David's paycheck or clientele calling for appointments or praying the electric company would work with me. I was trying to control the events. I was depending on people, places or things rather then depending on God for the paycheck or to send the clientele or to cover the electric bill. I was depending on them, so I would be covered. No, no if I depend on God He will get me the money He knows my needs. David may not have a job. Then what? He may have other plans and he might be moving me from Hair into something new and different. Times change God may need me somewhere else. It is like the awakening sank deep inside of me. GOD FIRST, TRUST GOD. Matthew 6:33 Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these other things shall be added unto you. In Gods love and tender mercy He showed me. He wants me to trust in HIM not on David's check and not on what I think needs to be. God knows the big picture.

I knew without a doubt God was the source. He is supplier. People, places and things change and will let us down. I knew that I knew I had no fears, because God had them for me. You see He is ALL or nothing. The fear left me, it was lifted from me. It rarely came back. There were times fear tried to creep in but I was free. No sooner would it try to creep in then it was gone. The feeling in my gut tearing at me was gone. Keep your eyes on what is pure and lovely. Phil 4:10-11

I was so grateful for this revelation I asked God if he could please help me out more here. He has humor because I must have sounded like the kids of Israel. They got manna every morning from heaven, it RAINED manna every day and they asked what will we eat tomorrow? I asked Jesus to send me a sign, if this was a healing. I felt like I was a free bird or something. I had peace like a river. I was so grateful. I was ecstatic. I had years of these attacks and I was a believer. Well God is so amazing. This bird was loud and stood out from the others. His chirp got my attention. I knew without a doubt God sent a sign, to cosign my unbelief . Christ loves His kids so much he sends surprises all the time. He likes to tickle us with goodies.

Over the next two months. I felt like a new spirit. God did not change, I did. He moved on my heart and I trusted in HIM. All along our way He prepares us. He is the potter we are the clay. He knows the BIG picture. I do not. I was more alert, calmer and happier. I had a joy because I trusted GOD for everything. It was nothing I did but everything God did. God is merciful. It cost nothing but a pinch of faith. Like playing the piano when we practice we get better. Trusting God gets easier. Because of God I am set free. No matter what came down to me I was going to OK. I was grateful.

The little fellow is a reminder for me to TRUST God. Not in man but in God for my needs. God is the bread of Life. He works through man, we are his vessels, He is the Creator. He speaks and works through others and is in the scenes working out our situations. We walk out our salvation with Him. In Him we have hope and assurance we are not alone. When God be for us, who then can be against us? The outcome is in His big and glorious hands.

David was fired in August 09. Drinking lost him his job. But for the grace of God fear was gone from me and I knew because of Gods grace and mercy I had peace. God protected me when David did drink. David tried not to drink but to no avail. He drank allot more then I thought I knew. It was not an easy journey but I remained grateful and hopeful in Gods promises. Glory to God. He is Love and Mercy. He Heals the sick. He wants no one to perish.

In December 09 David got a DUI. David had checked into the Salvation Army Treatment center. He had an option to stay for another three months and was accepted. The judge was impressed with Salvation Army and he told David to return for sentencing in July after he completed the full six month program. A court date was set for July. David went along fine and at month five drank again. He was on a pass and he drank and got caught. There is no mercy in track two none, he was kicked out. They informed his probation officer and the Courts. David appears in court in July. The courts vacated his probation. In other words he does not have probation any longer. The jail time could be a year. I went from no husband here to a despaired, sad, frightened husband here 24/7. My life toppled upside down, again. You can make plans but there are no guarantees. I do not know the future only God knows. He is faithful and true. Do not give up on God. He will come through.

The illness of alcoholism is a tornado. I felt I was slapped in the face when David came in the door and told me he was kicked out of Salvation Army. I was hurt, furious, sad, disappointed, despaired. Fear crept in. I struggle on many days with it since June 1, 2010. I continue to hear the little bird each day, When in fear, if I am honest with myself I am not believing God knows what is best. I have already been delivered from fear. I am going to take my freedom back. The devil is already doomed to hell and he is the master of lies. I am a Child of God, as is David. Our names are in the Lambs Book of Life.

I thank God for his love, mercy and grace. So many awesome writers have touched my heart with love, I know they were sent and healing is taking place. Many will never know how their words have touched my heart. I am grateful to God for all He has led to hub pages. You are Gods handiwork.

Today I decided I am climbing back on the rock. I am a work in progress. No matter what you face today. Stay in faith. Keep trusting in God. Anyone reading this remember Gods timing is different then ours. Christ knows what he does. If one need a reminder and you do not have a 'title fellow ' I will lend you mine. God does understand your fears, your finances, your secrets, your heart. Your dreams and your aspirations. He knows the pain. He suffered and walked in much pain. He hung on the cross like a piece of beat up meat. He could not be recognized, he was so brutalized. He took our sin, despair, illness and shame for us. He has paid the price, already.

In these most difficult times be encouraged, there is freedom in sharing . I am a child of God I need not be ashamed for being human or having a husband with an illness. We are all sinners and we all fall short of the Glory of God. God helps us get up. His hand reaches for ours. DO not go it alone. It opens the door for anxiety or fear. God is a mountain mover. He may send a 'little fellow' as a reminder. he has an amazing delivery system. Trust God because He controls the tides and calms the storms. He created the birds of the air and He says. How much more do I love you them the birds of the air?. Be of Good Cheer. Children of God we have eternal life in paradise awaiting us. Alleluia. All Glory to God.

Thank you for coming over to read my story. David and I would be honored if you prayed for us. Thank You. Below is an awesome song by Elvis Presley. You will be Blessed. Take five, breathe deep, close your eyes. put your feet up and know God loves you. You can trust in Him.'

As of today July 2013 David has over three years of sobriety. God does hear our prayers. His timing is perfect. So be of good cheer and stand encouraged In Jesus Christ. He understands. He is working it all out for His Glory and Good. My Love to you. May God Bless you and yours today and always.

In Christ, Skye

© Copyright Skye Tudae